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What is your Conflict Resolution Style?
By
Susan A. Collins, PCM Associates
Conflict is the tension between two or more people who perceive they have incompatible goals
or desires. Conflict is normal and inevitable. Conflict is inherently neither good nor bad.
Why then do we connect conflict with stress and anger? Broken relationships? Lost work
days? Low job satisfaction? The truth is that conflict is not the real problem, we are. Or more
precisely, the way we're taught to handle conflict is what often makes us so unhappy and
stressed out.
Where do we learn how to handle conflict? We learn from the example set by our family, our
religious beliefs, the media, popular music, peers, in short, we learn to handle conflict from
our culture. Almost unconsciously, we are subtly but firmly taught a primary conflict
resolution style.
Though our responses to conflict vary with the situation, we tend to return to our primary style
when under stress. Which of the following is your primary conflict style?
- The avoider turns away from conflict: "Do what you want, I don't want to talk about it."
- The accommodator does not want an argument: "O.K., if it's that important to you we'll
do it your way."
- The competitor tends to be confrontational: "If you think we're going to do that you have
another thing coming!"
- The compromiser engages in a give and take: "O.K, we'll do it your way this time, but
the next time I get the final say."
- The collaborator learns to identify the needs that underlie a position and is willing to
brainstorm solutions to problems with the other individual(s) to reach a mutually
agreeable resolution, commonly known as win-win: "How can we find a solution that
meets both our needs?"
Each conflict resolution style has advantages and disadvantages. You wouldn't want to
collaborate when an irate driver is yelling obscenities at you. Avoidance would probably be
the best choice. Because collaboration focuses on each person's needs and interests, it's the
style of choice if you want to build strong, mutually respectful relationships.
PCM Associates can assist you in turning conflict into an opportunity for growth and learning.
Contact us today for a free consultation.
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